The aftermath

About a month ago, I made a conscious effort to get off birth-control. I realized, I will wait, till it's right. I went backwards, but going forwards now. I'm not ready for kids, but who doesn't want love, or to feel loved, Openly. I do. I was so prideful. It was so hard for me to open up.

I associated vulnerability with pain.

I experienced a lot growing up. I was exposed to unhealthy relationships, I saw abuse, and I felt it. I lost my voice. Until, I smoked cannabis. Even with my friends, it was hard. I hated to let them see me cry.

Cannabis was a blessing for me. It healed me, it helped me heal my throat chakra.

Now I heal myself, with the help of supporters. It isn't easy, I spent a week and a half in the hospital. It was a blessing, it gave me a vacation from everyone. I learned that being outside is a gift, seeing the moon is a blessing, the sun is healing, and how being heard makes a difference. I found support and people who didn't judge me. My friends and family are my biggest supporters, there's no love like family but sometimes you need boundaries.

I'm still learning my own skin, I never realized how much birth control effected my life. My hormones were all over the place. I have high blood pressure as a side effect. I couldn't begin to even tell you how I felt. Well I was coming off on the patch the come down has felt like drugs, now I know what Salvador Dali meant.

I still am learning who I am. It's been an emotional roller coaster and I'm finally free. I'm learning how to ride the waves.

I started birth control (pill) when I was nineteen. I've tried the pill, the patch, the shot, back to the patch, taken the day after "just in case." All, because, I was too afraid to get pregnant, but not afraid, to be intimate. The first time I took the shot I was twenty-three. Let's just say it was hell. Poor dude (ex) that dealt with me than. I didn't understand why everything he did irritated me and I was constantly crying or angry. Turns out I miscarried. I bled and spotted for three months. It took a lot out of me, I saw and felt it what was left. I wasn't ready to deal with it, so I let my body clear itself. When I finally did see a doctor I cried because I never thought my body would be the same again.

After than incident, I realized I wanted a real relationship. Someone who wanted all of me, but I hated who I was. I felt like a ticking time bomb. I gave my body a break got off birth control and remained abstinent. Eventually, I went back to the patch. I was with people who didn't want to be with me in the long run,

nor did I.

The last person I was intimate with, I gave as much as I knew how. To allow myself to be touched was more intimate than sex. I had intimacy issues. I got raped when I was fifteen by someone I knew. I was passed out and woke up to it. I blamed myself for drinking to much. I blamed myself because I felt pleasure. It was the first time anyone had ever gotten that far. I couldn't tell my parents. I didn't talk to anyone. I numbed my pain because I lost my voice at childhood. I speak now not for shame but for healing.

I am free from my past that once haunted me.

Now I see life differently. I do want to be with someone that wants to share there life with me. I admit it's scary, but I am at a place where until I have a person that allows me in and vise versa I'm good. I remain abstinent for myself. My body is my temple. I won't compromise. Love is the answer, it is the path that sparked my truth. Love heals me.

heart

Just want to share with you Side Effects From Birth Control:

• Increased risk of cervical and breast cancers

• Increased risk of heart attack and stroke

• Migraines

• Higher blood pressure

• Gall bladder disease

• Infertility

• Benign liver tumors

• Decreased bone density

• Yeast overgrowth and infection

• Often Causes Moodiness (Symptoms of Anxiety and Depression)

• May Contribute to Nutrient Deficiencies

• May Cause or Worsen Candida

• Increased Risk for Blood Clots (Pulmonary Problems, Embolism and Thrombosis)

Cancer risk

Female hormones that occur naturally, such as estrogen, are thought to affect the chances of a woman developing some types of cancer. It is therefore possible that using a hormone-based method of birth control could have a similar effect.

Ovarian and endometrial cancer: These appear to be less likely among women who use the pill.

Breast cancer: There appears to be a slightly higher chance of breast cancer developing in women who have recently been using the contraceptive pill, and especially if they started using it during their teenage years. However, after 10 years of not using the pill, the risk appears to be the same as for someone who has never used it.

Other factors may play a role, such as a woman's age at starting puberty and menopause, her age at her first pregnancy, and whether or not she has had children.

Cervical cancer: Long-term use of the pill has been linked to a higher risk of cervical cancer, compared with those who have never used it. However, most types of cervical cancer are caused by the human papillomavirus (HPV). Whether HPV is linked to the use of oral birth control pills has not yet been confirmed.

Liver cancer: Oral contraceptives have been linked to a higher chance of developing benign liver tumors, but these rarely become cancerous. Some studies have suggested that liver cancer risk is higher after using oral contraceptives for at least 5 years, but other studies have not had the same results.

Links:

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/290196.php

https://draxe.com/birth-control-pills/