I took it personal

Dear God,

My dearest Truth,

For a moment I forget what love was because it was to painful to remember. Love and Loss. Life’s greatest teachers. Love onto all I do, yet, I couldn’t put it into my relationships. I feared my own shadow. The depts of my spirit. I forgot how to be. I felt lost, looking for love in all the wrong places, but they didn’t love me. They loved the idea of me. The looks, the feeling, the thought of who they wanted me to be. It was never really me at all. Who am I? Who are we? We believe we are separate. We hold on to this truth of I, the ego, our Id or better yet identification cards. Sigmund Fraud, or whoever else wrote this truth before, all? I don’t claim to be anything other than this, whatever “this” is. I’ve lived, I’ve lost, I’ve repeated the same mistakes. I quoted the wrong people, but life is full of anonymous quotes. Yet I still feel fear. Why do I feel fear? If love is all there is. If love is law, why do I go backwards, when forwards is the way, or is it all around? Heaven is above our feet, as well as on Earth. No, I didn’t write that but yes, I do believe that. Yet here I am, sitting here questioning out of fear. I know the truth. Yet I fear it. Why? When it is love. Love is the law. Yet, I hold on to old beliefs, old thoughts, old pain. And for what? When is the depths of love free? The waves that crash and run deep like the sea, the oceans we say nothing about. Life. Breath in love breath out Truth. Forgiveness. I ask, to Listen. Yet I still try to lean on my own understandings. It’s a blank canvas, paint a picture. I remember once when I was a kid I had a dream I was in all white nothing else but white. Like a blank sheet of paper. I also dreamt I was in darkness floating and I WAS AFRAID, THAT WHAT I COULDN’T SEE WAS all AROUND ME I could feel it. The time I floated in the isolation tank, what was that? I experienced myself as zero gravity. It was as though I was back in the womb, and I felt anxiety. I was afraid of my own heartbeat. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Eventually, I calmed down, yet I was still afraid of darkness. It took me a while to close the door fully. I was self-talking. Yes, I had to tell myself there was nothing to be afraid of. Eventually, I enjoyed it, but it took almost the whole experience to. I did it again another time, on a first date. It was relaxing. A date to not talk, or be around that person. Why not? My kind of past dating or dating past. You see, I only gave two boys my heart, after he passed I thought I could never again. The closest I came to it was giving as much as I knew how. The second one stopped wanting me after I wanted him. He asked for everyone to leave him alone. I assumed I was everyone. I assumed a lot of language because I was to afraid to ask. I was a runner. No one could abuse me the way I did. No one could hurt me more than myself. I controlled my pain or so I thought. I ended relationships before they could amount to anything. I hurt because I felt hurt, and words couldn’t save me because people jumped at my throat before I got to tell my truth. No one knew how much I carried till I couldn’t carry it anymore. My body hurt. I HATED BEING IN MY OWN SKIN. I DIDN’T RECOGNIZE THE REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR. Now I am the mirror we all are.

To you,

From me?

From all the stars that shine so bright,

Like the diamonds of the night.

I come in love, for I am Love

Love is all there is, love is Law

Love I, love thy neighbor, love thy self, love thyself as thy neighbor

Do not quote me for I am not here nor there I am everywhere.

In the name of all that is all that was before me. In the name of the sun and spirit and the holy ghost, the O GREAT SPIRIT. I am. Me, because of you. I am all. For we are one, under the same sun, under the same moon and stars. We are one. I am scared to send this to you, because I have no clue what I am doing here. The test or best is yet to come? I pray for the best, I hope it is true, because in the end I am nothing but a loyal servant through God’s eyes and spirits heart, the ancestors blood that pumps through my veins. I am love I am loved. Love is all there is, Love is all. To my mother and my father. My creator. Life exists through your eyes. I pray not to question it any longer. In the name of Jesus Christ my lord savior I pray. Amen. For mother earth, for the ones I’ve lost, for my guardian angels that walk this earth, to fate that carries me beyond any plans. To truth, to love, to all that there is. To life, to loss, to somewhere in between.

Love as all,

Coming in the name of Love,

“you either come from love, or come from fear”

Choose love

Love. I-man Journey on Life, and so it is.