Stuck in the middle, with you.

It's been a while since I wrote publicly. I now carry a journal, where i write pretty much everything I can't say in words, except for now of course. Lately, I feel stuck in the middle. I miss traveling. I don't know if it's my age or the simple fact that I miss fun company. I became opposite of what I wanted to be which is routine, I know there's nothing wrong with that, but I can't help but feel a little sadness or maybe its borderline bored. I know most of my friends have "jobs" and obligations and of course the realness of a family or no relationships. I feel like I see life a lot differently than most people my age. All the lives I've lost and all the people that have crossed my life have changed me. Everyone works there ass off but what is it truly for? If you don't get to enjoy your time together or never travel or explore anywhere new. I've been fortune to have the best of both worlds. I just wish I had real friends to travel with. I am aware that certain people would be down but I don't feel desperate for just anybody's company. As much as I miss companionship or relationships there's still ever inch in my body that says don't settle. I reminded myself today that I have the answers inside my heart I know what's true. The truth is I finally feel extremely vulnerable and I was always use to guarding myself but I'm tired of doing that. I'm not sure if it's been being in this beautiful secluded desert that has sheltered me or all the heartbreak of everything else. I've been purging quite often I use to call it pre-menstrual tears but now I realize it's a lot more than that. It's a two handed toss. I feel no one truly knows me on one hand and on the other I wish somebody really would.